


to really be somebody's and to have them be mine

by maddypng



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-24 22:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16184426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddypng/pseuds/maddypng
Summary: In total, there are 5 letters. Colin Ayres, from summer camp. Cliff Calley, from Model UN. Sam Seaborn, from freshman homecoming. Josh Lyman, from 7th grade. And Jack Reese, her sister's boyfriend.





	to really be somebody's and to have them be mine

**Author's Note:**

> guys this thing is my BABY. i wrote for days straight because i love josh and donna and i love to all the boys i've loved before. i tried to include everyone, but it was really hard! most characters are at least mentioned in passing!
> 
> big shoutout to theresa who sent me the original idea and art to keep me motivated <3
> 
> also i made sam bi in this because i love projecting onto fictional characters!
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr (mosslyman)!

“We shouldn’t be meeting like this. You’re engaged to my sister.”

“I know, but I can’t control how I feel. Every time I see you, my heart feels as if it’s going to burst out of my chest. I want to sweep you away from this world and have my way – ”

_Smack!_

Suddenly, Donna is jolted away from her book, as a pillow lands on her face. She turns her head to see the thrower of said pillow to see her little sister, Francesca (or Franny as they call her), standing in the doorway.

“Hey weirdo, dinner’s ready.”

“Be right down. What did dad make for the night?”

Donna knows she should be worried, when her sister pulls a face. “He’s making mom’s recipe for meat lasagna. I understand he wants us to celebrate and appreciate our Italian background, but does he have to make us eat his food?”

Donna just smiles at her sister. “I think it’s sweet. I’m sure it’ll be fine, Franny.”

Jumping off her bed and walking down the stairs, Donna hears the doorbell ring. Before she even gets to the bottom of the stairs, she knows who it is – Jack Reese. Her older sister, Martina’s, boyfriend. She slightly averts her eyes as she sees Martina and Jack kiss.

“Jack! Glad you could come over for dinner!”

“It’s great to be here, Dr. Moss. I obviously wouldn’t miss Sunday night dinner.”

Their dad’s head pops out from the kitchen. “Jack, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Richard. I know you want to serve in the Navy one day, but enough with the formalities.”

Jack turns and looks at Donna, gives her a quick smile, turns back to their dad and says, “Okay, Richard. What’s for dinner?”

As they all gather around the dinner table (with the questionable looking lasagna), Franny suddenly cries out, “I can’t believe Martina is going to be in Scotland in _three days_! And we won’t see her until Thanksgiving.”

“Actually, honey, it’s going to be Christmas. It’s just too far for Martina to come all the way home for Thanksgiving.”

Donna’s mouth drops. “Christmas?! That’s 4 months from now!”

Martina gives her a look. “I know, I know, it sucks. But luckily, we live in the age of technology, so we can Skype all the time. I know it won’t be the same as in person, but we can still see each other.”

Jack turns to Martina then, with a happy smile on his face. “Actually, I’m glad we’re talking about this. Because I have a surprise for you.” He pulls something out of his pocket and passes it to Martina. As she begins to unfold it, Jack starts talking again. “I bought a flight to Scotland for Thanksgiving! I figured since you couldn’t come home, I could bring a little bit of home to you!”

Martina looks at him, and Donna could tell from the look on her face, that is not what she wanted.

“Oh Jack… maybe we should talk.”

 

* * *

 

After the most awkward dinner the Moss family has ever had, Martina and Jack had gone outside to speak. Although, by now, they were almost yelling at one another, as Donna could hear them from her room. She didn’t know what was happening, but she knew it couldn’t be good.

About 10 minutes later, Martina comes into Donna’s room and flops down onto her bed face first. She grabs Donna’s pillow and hugs it really close to her body. Quietly, she says, “I broke up with Jack.”

“You what?! Why?”

“Mom told me before she died that I shouldn’t got to college with a significant other.”

“But you love him…”

And with tears in her eyes, she said, “Yeah, I do.”

As Donna laid in her bed that night, she still couldn’t believe that Martina and Jack had broken up. They seemed so stable, so constant. They both made each other so happy.

However, there was a small part of Donna that was happy, which immediately felt guilty. See, the thing is, Jack was the boy that Donna had a crush on. And she _knew_ she shouldn’t. For god’s sake, he was her sister’s boyfriend!

But Jack was her first boy-friend. That is – a boy who is a friend. When he had first moved most next door at the age of 11, Donna and Jack had just clicked.

And for the first couple of years, it was solely friendship between them, nothing more. It wasn’t until Donna was 14 that she thought she might have a crush on her friend. It was also at 14 that Jack and Martina told each other they liked each other. Obviously, she was sad, but she was also very happy for the both of them, as she adored them both so much.

However, she needed to find a way to get her feelings out – so she wrote him a letter. Whenever she had feelings so intense, she would write a letter. In total, there are 5 letters.

There was Colin Ayres, from summer camp. Cliff Calley, from Model UN. Sam Seaborn, from freshman homecoming. Josh Lyman, from 7th grade. And Jack.

She never sent the letters, but she just needed to get her feelings out, so she put it into words. And then, she would put it into her box, and move on from the crush. But sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

 

* * *

 

 

As they’re standing outside of TSA at Richmond International Airport, Donna can’t believe her sister is going to be leaving them for four months. As they each take turns hugging Martina goodbye, Donna holds on just a little bit longer than she should. As they continue to hug, Donna can hear their dad say, “You know, you could use some magazines. Franny and I will get them for you.”

As the sisters release each other, Martina gives her a sad smile. Donna knows most of the sadness is coming from leaving her family, but some of it comes from seeing Jack standing in his driveway earlier today. He also looked worse for wear.

“Did you really have to choose a college located in another country?”

“I needed a change. This will be good for you, though! It’s your junior year. You should branch out, make new friends, get involved.”

Shaking her head, she says, “Nope, nope, I’m good, totally good.”

Taking her hands, Martina continues on. “Donna, make the most of this year. Please.”

With a sigh, “I’ll try.”

A smile is shot her way. “That’s all I ask.”

 

* * *

 

On the first day of school, Donna’s dad hands her the keys to the car and says, “Since your sister is no longer here to drive you, this is a great opportunity for you to practice your driving.”

Donna looks at the keys with a sense of trepidation. She has her license, she was just a very anxious driver.

“Aw, man! Donna’s driving? Well, it was nice knowing you all.”

Donna sticks her tongue out at her sister. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Franny.”

Despite Franny’s concerns, they make it school just fine (albeit a little bit slower than they’re used to).

As Donna is walking down the halls of Albemarle High, she sees Jack at his locker. They make eye contact, but she quickly looks away and shuffles on. She doesn’t know how to act around him anymore. He used to be such a big part of her life, but now that Jack and her sister are broken up, it would feel like a betrayal to Martina if she continued to ta –

_Bump!_

Donna suddenly hits someone, realizing she wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going. Just as she opens her mouth to say she’s sorry, she hears a, “Oh, it’s you.”

Amy Gardner. The most popular girl in school. Formerly Donna’s best friend in middle school.

“Wow, Donna, your shoes are just so cute. Where did you get them? The Army?”

Donna looks down at her shoes, a pair of high heeled boots. She looks back at Amy. “They’re vintage, I got them off of Etsy.”

“And you rock them, girl. Hey, Ames. How’s it going? We definitely can’t say the same thing about your shoes,” CJ looked down at Amy’s uggs.

CJ, full name Claudia Jean, Donna’s current best friend. Also, Amy’s cousin.

“Whatever, CJ, you know my feet are always cold.”

Just as the two of them are about to start arguing even more, Josh Lyman, Amy’s boyfriend, comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. “Hey sweetheart, how are you?”

Josh Lyman. One of the non-recipients of the love letters. Josh also happened to be Donna’s first kiss. It was 7th grade and her first real boy/girl party. They had been playing spin the bottle in Amy’s basement when Donna’s spin landed on Josh. Now, everyone knew that Josh and Amy only wanted to kiss each other. Donna had offered to spin it again, especially since Amy had been sending daggers her way. But Josh just smiled and said, “you can’t cheat the bottle.” And so, Donna got her first kiss, but ultimately, lost Amy as a friend that night.

Amy gives Josh a smile, and then turns back to Donna and CJ to give them a sneer. “I was just complimenting Donna on her shoes and her service to this country. Let’s go though, we have people we need to say hi to.”

And as she turns and walks away, Josh turns back towards Donna and CJ, awkwardly shrugs, and says, “Sorry, she’s not really a morning person.”

Donna raises her eyebrow. “Are you sure she’s even really a person?”

Josh looks conflicted, politely waves, and follows his girlfriend through the crowd.

Donna turns to CJ. “Thanks for that back there. Do you really think my shoes are cool?”

“Never ask, mi amor. It ruins the vibe you got going on.”

 

* * *

 

As Donna looks around the cafeteria, she realizes that she doesn’t know who she’s going to sit with. She sees some people she knows, like Toby Ziegler and Andrea Wyatt, but she didn’t feel like she knew them well enough to sit at a lunch table with them. She was actively avoiding Amy and her posse, knowing that would only cause a fight. She had texted CJ asking where she was, only to find out CJ had gone off campus to get lunch. And she had already tried the library, but she had been kicked out because she was eating crunchy foods.

She decides she can’t stay here anymore and heads for the bleachers. As she approaches them, she sees Jack sitting there by himself, lost in his music.

Donna freezes. Of course, Jack would be sitting here. This is where Martina, Donna, and Jack had always gone for lunch. Donna has just prayed that he wouldn’t be there. As she contemplated her next move, Jack looked over and saw her. He gives her a small wave, ushering her over. Hesitating slightly, Donna makes her way over to him.

“You know what, it’s fine, we’ll just talk. You’re not betraying Martina at all. You guys were friends before they even began, it’s fine,” Donna thought to herself, trying not to feel guilty about hanging out with Jack.

“Hi, this seat taken?”

“Yeah, by you. Come, sit.” Jack moves over a little, so Donna could seat down next to him.

Sitting down, Donna starts to take out her lunch.

“So… I have to ask. Did you know she was going to do it?” Donna looks at Jack, who has heartache written all over his face, “I mean, you guys tell each other everything. Did she tell you beforehand she was going to do this?”

Donna shakes her head. “No, I had no idea.”

He sighs and looks down. Then he looks back at her with a tiny smile. “Well, we’re still cool right? We can still talk… and hang out… and you know, kick it?”

Donna giggles. “Don’t say kick it… but yes, we’re cool.”

Jack gives her a genuine smile. “Cool. Want an earbud? Buzzfeed Unsolved came out with a new episode over the weekend. Wanna watch?”

Taking the earbud, Donna says, “Sure, want a carrot?”

 

* * *

 

“Oh, my gosh! Middle school is so exciting. I loved all of my teachers and it seems like we’re going to be learning some cool stuff this year. But the best part about the day was at lunch. Getting to choose our tables was so much fun! Katie wanted to sit next to me, but so did Carolina and Georgia, so they had to flip a coin! Carolina ended up sitting next to me, so Georgia sat across from me. It’s just so hard sometimes, you know?”

Donna rolls her eyes at her little sister. “Yes, that’s so relatable, Franny.”

As they hop in the car to drive home, Donna reminds herself to take a deep breath. That everything is going to fine. She turns to her sister to ask if she’s ready to leave when she notices her sister wearing a helmet.

“Really? Where did you even get that?”

“It was on the ground in the backseat. I think it’s a necessary precaution after this morning’s performance.”

“Nothing went wrong. You’re just being dramatic.”

Donna quickly checks her mirrors, puts the car in reverse, and hits the pedal, when all of a sudden, she hears a, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Donna looks up quickly at her rear-view mirror to see Josh Lyman with his hands on her truck, stopping her from running him over.

“Oh my god, did you just hit someone?”

“Shut up Franny,” Donna hisses at her sister, noticing Josh coming to her window.

She rolls down her window right as he got there.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Great, how are you?”

“Did you, uh, notice me behind your car? You know, most people check their mirrors before they back out, Moss.”

“I did, in fact, check my mirrors. You just happened to not be in my rear-view when I checked.”

“Okay, well next time maybe continue looking at them, so you don’t hit anymore people.”

Donna flushes. “Sure, I’ll do that.”

Josh shoots her a quick look. “Will you be okay to get out of here?”

“Yes, thank you for the concern.”

“Ah-kay, if you say so.” He points at Franny. “You’re in charge now.” Franny grinned in response. “See ya girls.”

Donna wanted to die of embarrassment.

“Soooooo… who was that? He was cute.” Just kidding, now she really wanted to die of embarrassment.

“That was Josh Lyman.”

Donna puts the car in park.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re waiting until more cars leave before we leave.”

“Oh my god, we’re going to be here for forever.”

 

* * *

 

As the roar of the laugh-track comes out of the TV, Donna feels Franny shift her entire body towards Donna.

“What do you think Martina is doing tonight?”

“Probably drugs.”

“Franny, why would you say that?!”

“I’m just kidding!”

Donna sighs. “It’s weird not having her here, huh?”

“It’s weird not having Jack here, too.”

The two turn back to their Golden Girls marathon.

“You know, Donna, if you got a boyfriend, maybe you wouldn’t have to drive us to school anymore, and he could do all the driving.”

She smirked at her sister. “Well, if that’s what it takes, then I think you’re stuck with me.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that. What about that guy the other day? The one you almost hit with your car?”

Donna shakes her head. “He’s dating Amy.”

“It’s not just that… Donna, doesn’t it make you, I don’t know, kind of sad, that it’s a Saturday, and you’re watching the Golden Girls with your _little_ sister?”

“No, why would it? I love Golden Girls and I love hanging out with you.”

“Okay, well, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or anything, but I cancelled plans tonight to hang out with you. And I’m eleven.”

She turns to her sister. “Okay, ouch. That was way harsh, Franny.”

“The truth hurts Donna.”

 

* * *

 

“So, what did you do last night?”

“Finished another book. You do anything fun?”

“Oh my gosh, Donna. Another bodice ripper?”

“Shut up, CJ. I enjoy them for their camp.”

“Yeah, right!”

Right at that moment, Josh Lyman comes walking up to Donna and CJ at Donna’s locker.

“Uh, hey. Donna, can we talk?”

She gives CJ a look. “Uh, okay, sure.”

Josh looks at CJ. “I need to speak to Donna alone.”

CJ gives Donna a look back. “Sure thing, lover boy. Hey, is it true that my cousin dumped you for a college dude?” Josh begins to look uncomfortable. “That’s gotta sting.”

“I don’t know, CJ, is it true that you have a tail?”

“You bet it is. Curly q, like a pig’s tail.”

Josh gives her a smirk.

CJ gives Donna one more look, asking if it was okay that she left. She gives her a quick nod.

“Okay, well if you need me, I will be in the nurse’s office with a migraine.”

After CJ walked away, Josh turns back to Donna.

“Uh, look, I just wanted to say that… that I appreciate it, but it’s never going to happen.”

Donna’s expression shifts from something neutral to utterly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Look, from what I remember about the kiss, it was super hot for 7th grade, and it’s super cool that you think my eyes have golden specks, but you know, Amy and I just broke up, and I just think – ”

Donna begins to tune out everything Josh is saying because in that moment, she notices he’s holding a letter in his hand. And not just any letter. Her love letter to him. Did that mean all of the letters got out? She can feel her chest starting to constrict, her hands beginning to shake, her breath shortening.

Josh stops rambling and looks at her with concern. “Hey, are you okay? Hey, just breathe, it’s okay, just breathe. Here, in and out, in and out.”

Donna focuses back in on Josh’s voice, as he helps her down from an anxiety attack.

Josh puts his hand on her arm. “Are you okay? You had me concerned there for a second.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, I just started – ” Right then, Donna notices Jack coming down the hall. And in his hand, he has his love letter.

Donna’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, oh my god.”

“What? Is everything – _oomph!”_ Josh is prevented from asking any more of his question because Donna does probably one of the dumbest things she can think of. She koalas Josh, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, and kisses him. She feels Josh hesitate for a second, before wrapping his arms around her waist, to balance her.

After about 5 seconds, she hops down, looks at Jack, who is stopped in his tracks, and she looks at Josh, who looks stunned, and just says, “Sorry!”, and runs away.

 

* * *

 

Donna runs into the nearest women’s bathroom and locks herself in one of the stalls. One, she couldn’t believe she just kissed Josh Lyman in the hallway, where anybody could see. And two, she couldn’t believe that her letters were out.

How was she supposed to explain Jack’s letter? And what if Martina found out? Donna felt her stomach turning in knots, desperately hoping her lunch wouldn’t come back up.

Suddenly, the door of the bathroom opens, and she tenses up. She holds her breath hoping the person would just do their business and leave. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. Just then, a letter slides under the stall. This particular letter happened to be addressed to Sam Seaborn.

“Hey Donna… I saw you come in here, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I also figured you would want that back. There was some pretty personal stuff in there.”

Donna hastily picks up the letter and rushes out of the stall.

“Sam, I want you to know, I wrote this a long time ago.”

Sam just smiles at her. “Freshman homecoming, right? Yeah, I don’t blame you. That was an amazing time.”

Donna smiles back.

Sam continues on. “But I feel like I should just tell you though. You know I’m bi, right?”

She did not. She starts nodding though. “Yes, I… I did, I did know that.”

“Cool, so obviously, that means I like both guys and girls. Just, right now, I’m seeing a guy from another school. So, I’m kind of unavailable. And, keep this between us. I’m out and proud, but I don’t need everyone involved in my business. It’s just, you know…”

Donna finishes the sentence for him. “High school.”

Sam shrugs. “Yeah, so, just wanted to let you know.”

She nods and smiles. “Of course. I won’t say anything. I’m happy you have someone, Sam.”

Sam grins at her. “Thanks, Donna.”

 

* * *

 

Once Donna and Franny get home, Donna sprints upstairs, ignoring her dad’s calls asking how her day was. She immediately goes to her closet and checks to see if her box is there. When she flips on the light, she immediately notices that it’s missing.

She turns around and comes almost tumbling down the stairs.

“Do you know where my box is? It’s teal, it’s round and it’s got a little bow on top of it, it’s really important that you tell me where it is, it was given to me by mom, and I just really really need it back!”

“Whoa, slow down there, kiddo. I don’t know where your box is. Would you have moved it anywhere?”

“No! I always keep it in the same place Dad!”

“I’m sorry, honey. Maybe it went out with the Goodwill boxes when we were packing up your sister.”

Donna gasps. “The Goodwill boxes…”

“Hey,” her dad points at the kitchen counter, “you got a letter in the mail.”

Donna rushes over to the island and snatches the letter. This one was addressed to Colin Ayres. Luckily, she had sent it to the summer camp, so it got mailed back to her.

“If you guys need me, I’ll be in my room!”

As Donna paces in her room, she contemplates what to do. The letters are obviously already out. She already knows that three of the boys got their letters, and one of them was returned. That leaves one out there, addressed to Cliff Calley. Luckily, Cliff lived in a different town, now, so she wouldn’t have to deal with his letter.

The biggest problem right now is Jack. So, he saw the letter, and he knows that Donna likes him. She could just explain to him that it was written before him and Martina even got together.

As she continues to burn a hole in the ground of her room, her sister comes upstairs.

“What are you doing?”

Donna stops in her tracks. “Nothing… what are you doing?”

From downstairs, the doorbell rings. About 15 seconds pass before Donna hears, “Donna! Jack is here to see you!”

She turns to Franny. “Oh my god. Tell him I’m not here. I gotta go.” And with that, she ducks out of her bedroom window.

 

* * *

 

After essentially falling off the roof and biking all the way to the local diner, Donna orders herself a Diet Coke.

“Could this day get any worse?” Donna thinks to herself.

“Hey Moss.” Apparently, yes it can because sitting next to her is Josh Lyman himself.

Donna looks up at him and looks back down at her drink.

Taking a deep breath, she says, “So, what are you doing here?”

“You know, just here to get a chocolate shake.” Donna narrows her eyes at him. “Ah-kay, you caught me. I stopped by your house and your sister said you would be here. Look, I just wanna be super clear. I’m flattered, seriously I am, but Amy and I, we just broke up and…”

“Are you trying to turn me down right now?”

“Uh, yeah, because it didn’t really seem like it took the first time.”

“Josh Lyman, I am not trying to date you.”

“Really? Because your mouth is saying one thing, and then your _mouth_ is saying another.”

“Okay… so here’s the thing. I don’t actually like you. I was just trying to make it _seem_ like I like you, so another person wouldn’t think that I liked them.”

Josh takes a sip of his milkshake. “Okay. So, who’s the guy?”

Donna shakes her head. “Um, no, I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Or, I could just the entire school you wrote me a love letter.”

“Fine, fine, uh, okay, um, well it’s Jack Reese.”

“Reese? Wait, doesn’t that guy date your date?”

“Well, he did, he dated my sister, past tense, so you can see how complicated that’s going to get seeing as he also got a letter.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I’m not the only guy to receive a letter.”

Donna shakes her head.

“Wow… you really think you’re special and then you come to find out she wrote two letters.”

“Actually, there are five letters.”

“Five?! Damn, Moss, you’re a player. So, who are the other guys?”

“What?”

“Who are the other guys you wrote a letter to?”

“Um, well there’s a guy from summer camp. There’s a kid from Model UN, Sam Seaborn – ”

“Sam? He’s dating someone.”

“Thank you, I know. I wrote it years ago. Then, there’s you and Jack. Listen, are we done with this conversation?” Donna begins to stand up and search for some cash to give to the waitress.

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, uh, is that sparkly thing out there your ride?”

“Yes, it is.”

Josh looks at her, as if he’s almost impressed.

“You want a ride?”

And that’s how Donna got a ride home from Josh Lyman. The ride was a little awkward at first, but luckily, Josh helped to loosen the tension by asking her questions about her classes.

(“I’m just saying, Dr. Bartlet is really good, but man, that guy could speak for hours. He just knows so much history.”

“I love his class. I love just learning random facts about things.”

“Of course, you do, Donna.”

“Hey, you’re the weirdo who enjoys McGarry’s class.”

“C’mon! You just said you liked his class, too.”

“I do! He’s just very particular about things. I really like how Bartlet and McGarry are friends though. That’s the best part of their classes – when the other will come in and interrupt.”

“Agreed.”)

Eventually, Josh pulls up in front of her house.

“Hey, listen…” Josh turns towards Donna’s voice. “I’m really sorry about the whole jumping you thing.”

Josh grins at her and gives her a quick up and down. “No worries. Could’ve been worse.” Donna blushes. “So, what are you going to say to Jack?”

“I guess I’ll have to tell him the truth.”

“Yeah, but what is the truth?”

“It’s not really your problem, Josh.”

“Ah-kay… well I wish you luck.”

Donna opens the door. “Thanks.”

After grabbing her bike, she heads towards her front door. All of a sudden, her arm is being yanked by Josh.

“Hey… wait.” Donna turns towards him. “What if you didn’t tell him? What if we let people think we were dating?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Josh was getting a little bit more excited the more he talked about this. “Yeah, you could convince Reese you don’t like him. I could make Amy jealous. Like, she went _crazy_ when she heard you kissed me today.”

“So, you want to use me as your pawn?”

“Technically, you used me as your pawn first.”

“Yeah… I’m not gonna pretend date you.”

“C’mon, just think about it.”

Donna goes to enter her house. “Goodbye, Josh.”

Later that night though, as Donna tries to fall asleep, she can’t help but think that Josh’s idea wasn’t so dumb after all.

 

* * *

 

Donna is a woman on a mission. She knows that Josh is at lacrosse practice right now, so she makes her way to the field. She eventually sees him across the field and beelines in his direction.

He eventually sees her, and he takes off his helmet as he sees her approach.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Donna looks him dead in the eye. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Josh gives her a big grin, his dimples coming out in full force. Then, he grabs her by the wait, pulls her in close, and kisses her nice and deep.

Donna, who is obviously startled, puts her hands on his shoulders, when he suddenly stops. She goes to compose herself. She blinks at him, turns around, turns back toward him, and says, “Okay. Well, I am, I am going to go to algebra now.”

Josh nods his head at her. “See you after school.”

As Donna walks away, she hears Josh say to his teammates, “as you were, gentlemen.”

 

* * *

 

“So, I think we should make a contract.”

Josh grimaces. “Really? Do you think that’s necessary?”

“Yes, Josh. It’s important to establish how we’re going to pull this off.”

“Fine, fine.”

“Good. So, rule number 1, no more kissing.”

Josh almost does a spit take. “What? We’re supposed to be dating, and I’m not allowed to kiss you?”

“While I understand you’ve had a girlfriend for the last three years, I have never had a boyfriend. If I’m going to make out with someone, I’m going to do it for real.”

“But you kissed me first.”

Donna pretends to ponder it for a second. “This is non-negotiable.”

Donna hears Josh groan as she writes one the rule on a piece of paper.

“Fine, but people will think it’s weird if I’m not allowed to touch you at all.”

“Fair point… what about a hand in my back pocket?”

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?”

“Sixteen Candles… it’s the opening scene… it’s a couple’s thing.”

“Yeah, in like the 70’s.”

“Sixteen Candles is from the 80’s. It’s a classic John Hughes movie.”

“Who?”

“Seriously? John Hughes?” Josh shakes his head. “Okay, so you’re watching this movie with me.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Obviously, we can’t tell anyone about this.”

“Obviously. First rule of Fight Club.” Donna stares at Josh blankly. “Seriously? Fight Club? Oh my gosh, have you never seen it?” Donna shakes her head. “Okay, write that down. We’ll make it a double feature.”

“You have to drive Franny and I to school in the morning.”

“Easy. And you have to come with me to my lacrosse games and parties.”

Donna writes all of this down. “Anything else?”

“I could, uh, write you notes every day.”

Donna gives him a small smile. “Really? You’d do that?”

“Yeah, uh, Amy always wanted me to do it, so it would drive her crazy if she saw I was giving you notes.”

Donna’s smile fades. “So romantic, Josh.”

Josh regards her in a way that Donna can’t quite read. “Actually, I do have another thing. You have to come with me to ski trip.”

The Albemarle High Ski Trip was notoriously a couple’s things. More people were known to lose their virginity on this trip than at prom.

“That’s like 3 months away. We won’t even be doing this anymore.”

“Yeah, but if we are, you have to go with me.”

Donna knows that her and Josh won’t be together, so that is why she hears herself saying, “okay, I’ll go with you.”

Josh looks satisfied with her answer. She then signs the “contract” and makes Josh sign it to. After their signatures are on the paper, she sticks out her hands. Josh looks down at it.

“Really?” She just nods her head. “Ha, okay, sure.” Josh shakes her hand. They are now officially fake dating.

 

* * *

 

The next week, Donna and Franny are heading out the door to school.

“Seriously, Donna, can’t you just drive? I’m so tired of taking the bus. I know you hating driving, but I really hate the bus.”

“We’re not taking the bus. We’re getting picked up.”

Franny looks at her weird. “Really? By who?”

Just then, Josh pulls up in front of their house in his Jeep. He rolls down the windows, and yells, “you girls ready?”

Franny looks at Donna, who pointedly ignores her.

As they hop into Josh’s car, Franny pulls out a piece of chocolate chip brioche.

“Hey, little Moss, what’s that?”

“It’s Italian brioche bread with chocolate chips in it. And my name, thanks for asking, is Francesca Moss, Franny to my friends. _You_ can call me Francesca.”

Josh turns to Donna and mouths at her, “wow feisty.” Donna just giggles. Josh turns back to Franny. “Can I try a bite?” Franny hands him a small piece. “Mmm, that is so good. Hey, can you bring me some of this tomorrow?”

“Wait, did you say tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna drive you and Donna to school from now on.”

Franny smiles. “Okay, sure. And you can call me Franny now.”

“Nice.”

As Josh begins to pull away, Donna pulls out her own piece of brioche bread.

“So, how exactly do you know my sister?”

“Well,” Josh looks at Donna, “I guess I’m her boyfriend.”

Donna almost chokes on her breakfast.

 

* * *

 

It’s really weird to go from suddenly not being really well known to being one of the most looked at people in school.

As Josh and Donna make their way into the cafeteria, with Josh’s hand secured in her back pocket, Donna can’t help but to feel a little self-conscious. Almost everyone’s eyes are on her and Josh. As they get to the center of the cafeteria, Josh spins her around to face him, steading her by placing his hands on her hips.

He reaches into his back-jean pocket and grabs a note. As he goes to hand her the note, he leans in really close and whispers in her ear, “good job, I’ll see you after school.”

Donna takes the note and nods at him. Josh walks away and heads towards his friends. Donna looks around and notices Amy’s face. She quickly turns away and heads out of the cafeteria. As she’s exiting, she also notices Jack’s face. She hurries along even quicker.

Before she makes a complete getaway, she’s pulled into an empty classroom by CJ.

“Donna, this whole Lyman thing is crazy. Who knew you had the hots for the star lacrosse player?”

“Mhm, yeah, it’s, uh, pretty crazy.”

“Damn, my cousin must _hate_ you.”

“Thanks, CJ. That makes me feel so much better.”

“I’m just stating the truth. You know I have your back though.”

“I know, thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Donna has been avoiding her sister’s calls. She knows it’s dumb, but she just can’t bring herself to talk about the situation with Martina. She’s already lying to everyone in her life, but there’s no way she can lie to her oldest sister.

Like, what does she even say?

“Hey, Martina! I’m pretending to date Josh Lyman because these secret love letters that I wrote somehow got out. And one of them went to Jack! So, in order to make Jack think I didn’t like him, I kissed Josh Lyman!” She imagines that wouldn’t go over well with her sister.

But still, she misses her.

She finally works up the courage to Skype her sister and her sister answers after a few seconds.

“Oh my gosh, finally. I feel like we haven’t spoken in forever.”

“Ha, yeah…”

“So, how are you? What’s going on in your life?”

“Oh, you know, not much. Just the usual. Classes and what not.”

Martina looks at her weird. “Are you okay? You’re acting strange.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m so good. How are you? How’s Scotland?”

“Okay… Scotland’s amazing though. I think you’d really like it. I’m sure you guys will come out here eventually, and I’ll show you all of my favorite places around here.”

“Wow, I’m so glad you’re loving it, Martina.”

“Thanks, Dee. So, seriously, tell me what’s going on?”

Donna freezes up. She can’t do this. “Uh, not much, seriously. I’m actually making brownies tonight for Franny’s class. They’re having a bake sale. So, I should probably go do that. It was so good seeing you, Martina, bye!”

“Donna, wait!” Donna hits end call before her sister can ask her more questions.

So, she heads downstairs and begins to make her brownies. Just as she’s sticking the first batch in the oven, she hears the doorbell ring. She wipes off her hands and goes to open the door.

Standing in her doorway is Josh Lyman.

“Hey,” Josh notices she’s wearing an apron, “what are you wearing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re wearing an apron. Are you dressing up as a housewife?”

“No, I’m baking. What are you doing here?”

Josh’s eyes widen. “Did you not read my note? I’m taking you to Charlie Young’s party tonight.”

“Um, no, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. Can I come in?”

She rolls her eyes, but she opens the door to let him in.

As she goes back to the task at hand, Josh tries a little bit of the brownie batter.

“What are you baking for anyways?”

“Franny’s class is having a bake sale, so I’m helping out.”

“Okay, well can’t you finish them some other time? Or have your sister make them? Because you’re coming with me to this party.”

“Josh, I can’t.”

Josh starts giving her puppy dog eyes. “C’mon, Moss. It’s in the contract.”

Just before she can answer, her dad comes strolling into the kitchen.

“Josh Lyman, is that you? Little Josh Lyman?”

Josh gives him a smile. “Dr. Moss, how are you?”

“Please, call me Richard. What are you doing here?”

“I just came to pick up Donna to go to a friend’s party. No worries, parents will be there, and I will have her home at a reasonable hour.”

“That sounds great. Donna, why don’t you get changed?”

Donna tries to shoot her dad a look, but he’s barely paying attention to her. “Dad, I have to make brownies for Franny’s bake sale.”

“Nonsense, your sister and I can make them. Seriously, go change.”

Donna looks at Josh, who looks at her expectantly. She sighs and scurries upstairs to change for the party.

 

* * *

 

Josh and Donna are walking into the party when Donna feels her anxiety creeping in on her. She pauses right before they get to the main room.

“Josh, I’m not sure about this.”

“Donna, come on, it’ll be fine. Here, give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Would you just trust me?”

Donna hands over her phone.

Josh then proceeds to take a selfie of himself on his phone. “Here you go, make this photo your phone background.”

“What about your phone background?”

Josh reaches over and tucks her hair behind her left ear, pulls back, and takes out his phone. “Smile for the camera.”

Donna looks down slightly but gives a tiny smile.

When she looks up, Josh is grinning looking at his phone background. He turns around the phone and shows her the picture. “You look really pretty like that Donna.” The unexpected compliment makes her blush.

He reaches down and takes her hand. “Come along, oh girlfriend of mine. I’ll get you something to drink once we’re inside.”

Once in the actual party, Donna’s not quite sure what to do, since she’s never been to a high school party, so she actually feels a little relieved to be holding Josh’s hand. He goes over to some of his friends and they begin talking. She feels a bit weird to stand there, hovering over them. Suddenly, she hears her name being called. She looks up and sees that it’s Amy and her friend Sarah Potrero. The latter is beckoning her over.

Josh is still consumed in his conversation, so she reluctantly makes her way over.

“Donna! Sit down.”

Donna takes a seat a few places away from them on the couch.

“So, you and Josh? That’s kind of crazy.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, tell us everything. Like, how did it start, how is it going, how far have you guys gone?”

Besides Sarah, Amy makes a small noise.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, it’s just, Donna’s not going to tell you anything. And honestly, it’s because barely anything is happening.”

Donna knows this is true, but it still stings just a tiny bit that people think of her like that. “How would you know Amy?”

“Because I know Donna Moss, and I know Josh Lyman.”

Luckily, just then, Josh comes up to Donna and says, “here ya go, sorry for the wait.”

She takes the drink from Josh’s hand, as he hops the back of the couch to come sit beside here. When Donna looks back over at Amy and Sarah, they’re both gone.

Donna takes a sip of her drink and makes a face. “What is this?”

Josh laughs and switches their cups. “Sorry, I accidentally gave you my cup. It’s Kombucha.”

“You drink Kombucha?”

“Only sometimes. Hey, you wanna go play some games?”

And so, this is how Donna ends up watching Josh play beer pong.

She’s actually having a little bit of fun, mingling with the other people who are watching the game.

All of a sudden, she hears a, “hey! You’re here!” Donna turns toward the voice to see Sam coming up to here.

“Sam, hi!” Donna goes for the hug, which Sam returns enthusiastically.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“Josh dragged me here.”

“Where is he? I haven’t seen him all night.”

“Oh, he just ran to the bathroom real quick.”

“So… you and Lyman? How did that happen?” Sam lowers his voice. “Did he a receive a letter too?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Wow, so it rekindled something. That’s amazing.”

Donna puts on a smile, knowing she can’t tell Sam it’s all fake.

“Yeah, pretty amazing.”

“What are you drinking? You want another?”

“Oh, I’m just drinking a Diet Coke. I don’t think I need – ”

“Donna.” Josh has suddenly reappeared by her side. “You wanna head out?”

“Oh, sure. Do you want to go?”

“Yeah… let’s go. Hey, Sam, how’s it going, man?” Josh reaches out to do that weird side bro hug thing.

“Hey, Josh. Always good to see you.”

Josh turns back to Donna. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Donna gives Sam another hug. “Bye, Sam.”

 

* * *

 

 

Josh and Donna end up at the diner, since they left a little bit earlier than planned.

“You did so good tonight, Amy was pissed.”

“Well, I just hope she doesn’t push me down the stairs on Monday at school.”

“I love how you’re not afraid of her.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m terrified of her.”

“Yeah, but you don’t let her walk all over you. Like, when she was being a bitch about your shoes on the first day of classes.”

“You remember that?”

“Of course. I didn’t say anything at the time because you know, we were together, but I liked those shoes. They were hot.” Donna flushes at the compliment. “Obviously, Amy’s gorgeous, but you have way better style than she does.”

“Thank you…”

The waitress comes over and grabs their plates. Josh pulls out his phone and groans.

“God, Amy drives me crazy.”

“Are we still talking about her?”

“Okay, look, it’s like this. She barely talks to me at the party, in fact, barely looks at me, but now, she won’t stop texting me.”

“Are you answering her?”

Josh waves Donna off. “Nah, I’ll probably just call her when I get home.” Donna makes a noise of surprise. “What?”

“Nothing… how often are you doing that?”

Shrugging, “I don’t know. It’s not every day.”

Donna just kind of stares at him.

“Okay, what, Donna. You’ve got this whole judgy face thing going on right now.”

“I don’t know, I just find it a little weird you talk to your ex-girlfriend on the phone.”

“Like you’re the expert. You’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

“And you’ve only had one girlfriend and you’re obsessed with her!”

“I am not obsessed with her!”

“Then, prove it. Don’t call her tonight.”

“You know, for someone who doesn’t talk a lot, you have a lot of opinions.”

Looking smug, knowing she’s won the fight, Donna says, “Well, I just think that’s because no one’s been honest with you.”

“Okay, then be honest with me. Why have you never had a boyfriend before?”

She feels like she’s been hit in the gut, but she continues on. “I don’t know, I guess no one’s ever seen me like that.”

“Bullshit. I know for a fact that Will Bailey asked you to homecoming last year and you said no.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me, Josh?”

“C’mon, Donna, you gotta talk to me. We’re in this together! Fight Club!”

Taking a deep breath, she says, “Okay… well, it’s just, in theory, being in love sounds great. I love reading about it and watching in on TV, but the thought of being that vulnerable with another person. When it’s real like that, it’s…”

Josh is staring at her now, his face starting to soften. “What? Scary?”

“Yeah… also, the more people you let in, the more that can leave.”

“Like your mom.”

Donna just nods in response.

“I’m sorry, Donna.”

“It’s fine, Josh.”

“I know this isn’t the same, but uh, my dad left us.”

Donna reaches out and grabs his hand. “I heard about that. It was a couple of years ago, right.”

Squeezing her hand back, he says, “Yeah. It was two summers ago. It was… whatever.”

“Well, we don’t have to talk about it, but it’s not whatever, Josh.”

Josh just smiles. “You know, you say you’re scared of relationships, but you seem to have no problem with me.”

“Well, that’s because we’re just pretending.”

An expression of hurt flashes across Josh’s face, but before Donna can register it, it’s gone. He pulls his hand back, which makes Donna realize they were still holding hands to begin with.

“Right. Yeah… Donnatella Moss, ladies and gentlemen. Can always count on her to be honest.” He begins to stand up to pay their bill.

“Josh, did I say something? Are we okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about Donna, we’re good.”

Donna goes home that night feeling a little uneasy. It isn’t until she sees that Josh posted a picture of the two of them on his Instagram that she feels the knot in her stomach loosen.

 

* * *

 

As weeks went by, Donna began to realize how easy it was to be with Josh. She had even become friends with his group of people.

He would come over after his school to work on their English assignments together.

She would go to his lacrosse games and paint his number on her face and cheer whenever he saved a goal.

He kept up his word about watching Sixteen Candles. (And yes, they watched Fight Club the next weekend).

She realized that the only reason why they had stopped talking in the first place was due to Amy because her and Josh got along really well.

He genuinely made her laugh, and he found her equally as funny. He could sass her like no one else, but Josh was always there if she needed to talk about things.

She had never really talked about her mom dying with anyone else, but Josh seemed to understand. And she talked about his dad with him, since he never really had anyone to talk to about his dad leaving.

It also helped that Franny and her dad loved him, too. She realized this when Franny started asking, “when is Josh coming over?” and her dad would always make sure to invite him to Sunday night dinners.

She also eventually met Josh’s mom and his little brother, John. His mom was so welcoming, already gushing about her the minute she walked in, saying, “oh, Donna, we’re so happy to finally meet you. Josh won’t stop talking about you,” which made her blush.

In a way, she wished they hadn’t gotten their families involved because it would only make things harder when they inevitably ended things. Although, when she thought about them “breaking up,” her heart would drop so hard. She didn’t think she wanted to go back to the way things were before. But she knew it would.

 

* * *

 

Donna answers the door to see Jack standing there.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Can we talk now?”

Donna comes outside to sit on her porch with Jack trailing behind her.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Donna, c’mon. You know. The letter. I didn’t think I was going to lose Martina, but then I did. And now I lost you, too. I mean, for God’s sake, you’re dating Josh Lyman.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you’re Donna Moss and he’s Josh Lyman. He goes to parties and plays lacrosse. You like to bake and watch Golden Girls.”

Donna gives Jack a steely look. “Ha, wow. You know, you make me sound _really_ boring, Jack.”

“C’mon! You know I don’t mean it like that.”

“Whatever, Jack. We shouldn’t even be talking about this.” Donna gets up and starts to walk back inside, trying not to cry.

“Donna, wait. I’m sorry, I just want to be friends again.”

“I just don’t know how, Jack. I’m sorry.” And with that, the door closes.

 

* * *

 

Donna and CJ are sitting under the bleachers at lunch time when they hear two people climbing the seats above them.

“Are you really going on the ski trip with Donna?”

“Yes, Amy, she’s my girlfriend.”

“The ski trip was always our thing though.”

“Amy, you can’t keep doing this to me! You’re always expecting me to come when you call, but we’re not dating anymore.”

“But you’re always with her, Josh. You never make time for me anymore.”

“Because, as I said before, she’s my girlfriend! Also, you have a boyfriend. Shouldn’t you be getting attention from him?”

“Well, he doesn’t give me attention like you did. And besides, by the time the ski trip rolls around, I might not have a boyfriend anymore. Things might… free up.”

CJ turns to Donna. “Sounds like Amy might be trying to steal your boyfriend.”

Donna couldn’t help but agree. And that thought terrified her.

 

* * *

 

“I know you don’t really want to hear about Josh and me, but I wasn’t sure who else to talk to besides CJ. I can’t help but feeling like an idiot to think that Josh would completely move on from Amy. And the longer we stay together, the more it’s going to hurt when he gets back together with her. I just don’t know what to do.”

“I really don’t know, Donna.” The end of the day bell rings causing a rush of students to come flooding out. Donna looks away from Jack to hear Josh calling her name.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go. I’ll see you later.”

Donna makes her way over to Josh, who grabs her hand to lead her to a quieter hallway.

“Why were you hanging out with Reese?”

“We were just talking, Josh.”

“What’s everyone going to say when they see my girlfriend hanging out with that kid?”

Donna’s anger flares up, thinking about the conversation she heard earlier today. “Well, at least I’m not talking about getting back together with my ex-girlfriend where anyone can hear me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Donna hesitates but continues on. “I heard you and Amy talking on the bleachers today.”

Josh lets out a groan. “Are you following me? Look, whatever you heard, it’s not what you think.”

“Look, Josh, maybe we should just call this quits. I mean, Jack doesn’t think I like him anymore, and Amy clearly wants you back. Mission accomplished.”

“What? No, the ski trip is this weekend. You _promised_ you would go.”

“I said I would go if we’re still together!”

“And we still are! Why are you trying to get out of this? What are you scared off, Moss?”

How does Donna tell her fake boyfriend the reason she can’t go on the ski trip with him is because she’s starting to have real feelings for him?

“I’ll only go on the ski trip if CJ goes.”

 

* * *

 

 

CJ comes over later.

“So, why does your boyfriend want me to come on this ski trip? He sent me a text that made it seem like it was super important for me to come on this trip.”

“I told him I wouldn’t go unless you came.”

“You have to go, though! Amy’s gonna try and steal your man.”

“Let her! I’m sick of having her send daggers at me anytime I even step into a room.”

“No way! Amy _always_ gets her way. Donna, you deserve to be happy. And Josh makes you happy. Honestly, at first, I wasn’t sure how your relationship was going to work. But these last few months, I don’t know, I’ve seen such a change in you.”

“CJ…”

“Seriously, you need to go. I’m not letting Amy steal your man. I’ll go.”

Donna reaches over and hugs her. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

 

* * *

 

As Donna gets onto the bus the morning of the ski trip, she can feel her nerves acting up.

She starts walking down the aisle when someone grabs her arm. It’s Josh.

“Whoa, Donna, where are you going? Sit next to me.”

“I’m going to sit next to CJ.”

“C’mon, come sit with me. Besides, I saw CJ was out last night at some concert, drinking. She’ll be asleep the whole time.”

“All the more reason I should sit with her. Don’t want her to choke on her tongue.” She shakes Josh’s arm off of her, and continues walking, not seeing Josh’s look of disappointment.

As she sits down next to CJ, she sees Amy sit down next to Josh.

“Oh my god, CJ, this is going to be such a long weekend.”

CJ shoves her head into Donna’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you convinced me to come to something that required me to be up before 7 am.”

Donna lays her head down on CJ’s head and tries not to dwell on Josh.

 

* * *

 

Donna has no idea how to ski, so she ends up spending most of her time reading or hanging out with Sam in her room. Currently, she’s doing the later.

“So, you’re telling me it was fake the entire time?”

“Yes, and now, he’s off somewhere probably with Amy. God, I was so stupid. How could I let myself fall for someone who clearly doesn’t like me back?”

“Donna, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re dumb. That boy is crazy about you.”

“No, he’s not, Sam.”

“Are you kidding me? He’s always staring at you when you aren’t looking. And the look on his face is one of pure awe. I never saw him look at Amy like that.”

Donna shakes her head. “Sam…”

“Donna. I’m being serious. Honestly, if anyone fell for someone who doesn’t like him back. It’s him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Let’s list out the facts. He was the one who came up with this whole scheme, he was super upset when you said he wasn’t allowed to kiss you anymore, and he started panicking when you were considering not coming on this trip anymore.”

Donna sits in silence contemplating all of this. Maybe, Josh does like her…

“And now you’re sitting in your room with me, instead of hanging out with him. And he’s probably waiting for you in the hot tub!”

She whips her head at Sam. “You think?”

“Only one way to find out.”

 

* * *

 

As Donna approaches the hot tub, she can see Josh sitting in the water by himself, moving the water back and forth with his hand.

Donna takes a deep breath and says, “All alone out here?”

Josh turns towards her, laughs, and turns away.

Donna is temporarily taken back. She pushes forward though. “So, what? You’re ignoring me now?”

“Ha! That’s a good one. Me ignoring you.”

Donna moves around to the side of the tub, so she can stick her feet into the tub.

“Well, I’m sorry. But I’m not a good skier. And you didn’t even offer to teach me!”

“So, I’m supposed to be nice to you after you don’t sit with me on the bus?”

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me? You got to sit with the person you really wanted to.”

“You know, for someone who’s really smart, you’re so dense sometimes.”

“Huh?”

Josh’s expression softens. “I wanted to sit next to you, Donna. I brought food for us to eat. I even asked Franny where to find those brioche rolls you like so much.”

Donna’s surprised – no one’s ever done something like that before. “But the only deli that sells those are all the way across town?”

Josh nods. “I know. So, if I drove all the way across town to get something that _you_ liked, that means…”

“You really like brioche?”

Josh groans and splashes a little bit of water at her.

Donna sits there for a second thinking about what Josh had done for her. He seems genuinely upset about her not sitting with him. And he did drive all the way across town to get her favorite breakfast food. Maybe, her feelings are reciprocated…

“I’m sorry I didn’t sit with you.”

“It’s okay.”

Donna just continues to stare at Josh. She can feel the moment becoming more heated by the second. Josh just gives her a tiny smile, behind hooded eyes. Making up her mind, she discards her jacket and slides into the hot tub.

“Oh, you’re coming in… in your pajamas?”

“I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”

Donna comes to stand right in front of Josh. He’s looking at her like he can’t believe how lucky he is to have her.

“Hi.”

Josh smiles and leans down to grab both of her legs to bring her onto his lap. Their faces have become even closer now. “No one compares to you, Donna.”

Josh leans in, sealing his lips over Donna’s. She brings her arms up to his shoulders, enjoying the grounding warmth coming from his lips.

He pulls back slightly, “this okay?”

“Yes,” Donna breaths out, as she leans back in to kiss him some more.

 

* * *

 

When Donna wakes the next morning, she’s already in a good mood. She can’t believe that her and Josh made out in the hot tub last night. And that wasn’t even her favorite part of the night.

He had walked her back to her room last night after their escapade in the hot tub. She had turned to go back into her room, but he pulled her back in before she could leave. He had kissed her nice and slow, and when he pulled back to say goodnight, his voice had dropped a couple of octaves.

So, as she gets on the bus to go back home, she’s in good spirits. As she’s walking down the aisle of the bus to get to Josh, she’s startled by everyone starting to clap. She looks around for an explanation, but no one offers her one. She scurries along to sit with Josh.

As she sits down, she turns to him and says, “hey, uh, you didn’t tell anyone about last night, right?”

“What? No, no, that’s just how they always act with couples. I wouldn’t worry about it. Hey, are you tired? Let’s nap on our way back.”

Donna smiles. “Okay, wanna lean on my shoulder?”

Josh grins in response and lays his head down. Donna rests against him and drifts off into a light sleep.

A couple hours later, they’re back at Albemarle High. Donna’s collecting her luggage, as she waits for Josh to finish talking to some of his friends. As she turns to go join them, Amy comes up to Donna.

“Hey, Donna. Did you have a good time on the trip?”

Donna’s nerves are set on end from Amy’s kindness, but she answers the question honestly. “I did, Amy, thanks for asking.”

“You know, I just wanted to say, I think it’s so awesome how you’re so cool with Josh and mine’s friendship.”

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?

“Oh, I just know how some girls would be so jealous of their boyfriend hanging out in another girl’s room on an overnight trip, but you’re not like other girls.”

Donna’s heart drops. “Josh was in your room last night?”

“Oh yeah, we talked for _hours_. I’m just so glad you’re so cool with it. Well, bye Donna!”

Amy walks away from Donna, leaving her shell-shocked. After last night, Donna was so sure of Josh’s feelings for her. Now…

“Hey, you ready to go?”

Donna looks up at Josh. “You went to Amy’s room last night?”

Josh’s face shifts to surprise. “Uh, yeah, I did. We just talked. How do you even know that?”

“Amy told me. Josh, I’m so done with you picking her over me.”

Fear flits across his face. “Donna, I swear nothing happened. C’mon, let me just drive you home and we can talk about this.”

Choking back tears, “no Josh. This, whatever it is, is done. I’ll get CJ’s mom to drive me home.”

“Donna…”

“Don’t, Josh.”

Donna turns on her heels and tries not to cry.

 

* * *

 

As Donna walks through the front door of her house, all she wants to do is curl into a ball in her bed and not move for about ten hours.

However, what greets her, is the sight of Christmas. All of the lights have been put up, and garland is hanging on the banister. In the air, she can smell gingerbread cookies.

“You’re home!” Donna looks away from the scene in front of her to see her sister coming towards her to give her a hug.

Donna wraps her arms around his younger sister. “Yeah. This is amazing, Franny. Did you and Dad do this?”

Franny leans back and grins at her. “Actually, we had a little bit of help.”

Donna’s face has confusing written across it, until she hears, “hey, Dee.” Donna looks up to see Martina coming down the stairs.

“Oh, my god! You’re home!” Donna releases Franny and rushes over to her sister.

Leaning into the hug, Martina says, “surprise, little sis.”

 

* * *

 

Later, they’re all making cookies.

“Tell us all about Scotland, Martina.”

“Well, everyone there is so incredibly nice. I seriously have never met a mean person there. And when we all go to the bar at night, the girls will still wear shorts out, even if it’s below freezing.”

“You go to the bar?!”

“The drinking age is 18 in Scotland, Franny. Everyone goes to the bar.”

“Who even are you?”

“She’s Martina.” Donna and her older sister make eye contact and smile.

“So, have you guys seen much of Jack this semester?”

“Not really. Josh has mostly been over.”

Martina looks up from her task, confusion written all over her face.

“Josh? Who’s Josh?”

Donna is looking at Franny to try and make her stop talking, when all of a sudden, the doorbell rings.

Donna shoots out of her seat at the kitchen counter, and says, “I got it.”

As Donna hurries to the door, she can hear Franny explaining who Josh is to Martina.

When she opens the door, standing in the doorway, is the boy in question: Josh.

“What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been answering any of my texts. Listen, can we please talk?”

Donna looks back at her sisters, then turns back to Josh, and ushers him outside.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Donna, are you kidding. Look, nothing happened between Amy and I last night.”

“No, Josh, what happened is that you went to her room in the first place.”

“Okay, yes, I went there last night, but you gotta understand, Amy and I have _a lot_ of history. Those feelings aren’t going to magically disappear overnight.”

“I’m just tired of being a second choice to her, Josh, or I guess I should say, a fake choice, or whatever you wanna call this.”

“No, no, no, you don’t understand. Last night was – ”

“A mistake. I understand physical stuff might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me.”

“Who says it’s not a big deal to me?!”

“Says every person on the bus, Josh! Everyone was clapping for you, acting like you got laid that night. And you didn’t even correct them, when you know we didn’t have sex!”

Josh groans in frustration. “Okay, look, can we please just go inside? So, we can talk?”

“Josh, you should just go home.”

“Donna – ”

“Hey, man. She said you should leave.” Jack, all of a sudden, is by Donna’s side.

“Jack, it’s okay. I can handle this.”

Josh looks back and forth between Jack and Donna, and she watches his expression change from frustration to anger.

“No, no, are you kidding me? This isn’t even about me and Amy at all. Reese is the reason you broke up with me because you’re still in love with this tool!”

“If Donna broke up with you, it’s probably because she realized that she’s too good for you, dude!”

“You’re in love with Jack?” It’s Martina. Donna whips her head over to see both of her sister’s standing in the doorway of their house. Donna’s heart drops.

“Martina, wait!” Donna races up the stairs to her porch to try and talk to her sister, but Martina is already inside by the time she gets there. Donna whips around, tears running down her face now.

“Josh, please leave.”

Josh lets out a giant sigh and says, “God, you were never the second choice,” and heads to his car.

 

* * *

 

Donna thinks her day can’t possibly get any worse.

She looks down to see she has a direct message from CJ of some video. When she opens the message, what she sees is a video of two people making out in a hot tub. At first, she’s not really sure why CJ sent it to her, when all of a sudden, she recognizes the two people in the tub – it’s her and Josh.

Donna lets out a giant scream. She can feel her heart racing, her palms are sweaty, and she feels absolutely sick to her stomach.

“This cannot be happening. Martina hates me, Josh and I are broken up, and now, there’s a video out on the internet of Josh and I making out in the hot tub,” Donna thinks to herself. “I have to fix one problem at a time.”

She decides to tackle this Instagram thing first. She absolutely can’t have this on the internet anymore. Bracing herself, she knows Martina would be the best to ask about it. She heads down the hall to her sister’s room and knocks.

“Hi.” Martina looks up at her and then looks away. “I know you probably hate me right now, but I really need your help.” Martina rolls her eyes, but beckons her in.

Donna sits next to Martina on her bed. She hands over her phone.

“So, what I’m about to show you is something that I thought was a private moment and I obviously didn’t ask for it to be filmed. And I’m not quite sure how to get it taken down.” Martina just looks at her weirdly, and then looks down at the video. Martina’s face is still stitched with confusion, until about three seconds in, when she finally puts two and two together.

“Okay… well it’s really dark, so it’s hard to tell that it’s you. Honestly, it’s worse for Josh because you can clearly see his face in it.”

“Doesn’t matter if you can’t tell it’s me. Everyone’s gonna call him ‘a hero’ and me ‘a slut.’” Donna flops down onto the bed and covers her face with her hands. “How did this even happen? I can’t believe I made a sex tape before I even had sex.”

“Alright, Dee. Get up. We’re gonna fix this, okay?”

Donna sits up again with the help of her sister. She turns towards Martina and says, “I know you’re only being nice to me because some asshole tagged me in this video.”

“You’re right, I feel bad that this is happening to you. But why didn’t you tell me it was happening in the first place?”

“Because I thought you were going to hate me!”

“Donna, I could _never_ hate you. But when I heard what Josh was saying, I thought you were going to try and date Jack.” Martina swallows the lump in her throat, as she finishes the sentence.

Donna’s heartbroken looking at her sister. “I would never do that to you, Mar. I’m your sister!”

“I know, I know, but you barely even talked to me when I was in Scotland. What was I supposed to think?”

Donna takes a deep breath. “The only reason why I wouldn’t talk to you is because I was lying to everyone in my life. And I knew I couldn’t lie to you.”

Martina smiles a bit at that. “I just thought you had outgrown me, that you didn’t need me anymore.”

“Are you kidding,” Donna says, while laughing, “look what happened while you were gone!”

Martina lets out a giggle at that and the two sisters embrace.

Donna looks up then to see Franny standing in the doorway.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Not that long… okay I heard most of the conversation.”

Martina waves Franny over, and the three sisters embrace on the bed.

“Okay, new pact. No more secrets between the three of us.”

Franny and Donna echo in unison, “deal.”

They embrace again, with Donna already feeling lighter than she did an hour ago.

“Actually, while we’re on the topic of secrets…” Donna and Martina look at Franny. “Donna, your letters didn’t disappear because of Goodwill. I sent them.”

Donna tenses. “You what?” All of a sudden, Donna is lunging at her youngest sister. “I’m going to kill you!”

Franny quickly gets up from the bed and runs towards Martina’s closet.

“Whoa there, stop, Donna!” Martina raises her hands to stop Donna from pummeling their youngest sister.

“Donna, if you didn’t want those letters sent, why did you address them?

Donna opens and closes her mouth like a fish, offering no explanation.

“I forgave you about the thing with Jack, so I think you can forgive Franny for sending your letters.”

Donna looks past Martina at Franny. “Fine, but you have to curl my hair for the _rest_ of your life.”

Franny lets out a sigh, “oh thank God.”

 

* * *

 

After a wonderful Christmas holiday (minus hearing virtually nothing from Josh except for a “merry Christmas” text), Donna heads to school feeling ready to tackle the new year.

Martina had gotten the video taken down using Instagram’s child pornography laws. So, hopefully, people wouldn’t be talking about it anymore.

Donna is walking down the hall with CJ and Sam, when she asks if Sam had even heard about it.

“No, didn’t even know there was a video.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Donna, there was some band party on New Year’s Eve and apparently, a lot of drama went down. I’m sure people are talking about that now.”

“Wow, that’s great news, CJ. So, this is all behind me then.”

Just as she says that, the three of them arrive at Donna’s locker, which has amassed a group of students. They all seem to be snickering at something, so Donna, Sam, and CJ all push them aside to get to her locker.

When Donna sees the front of her locker, it’s a picture of the video, taped to her locker with spray paint saying, “it’s always the innocent ones.”

Donna’s in shock. She can’t believe someone would do this.

CJ rips it of the front of the locker and Sam starts threatening people to back away before.

Donna can’t be here anymore. She turns and starts speed walking down the hallway.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Donna looks up to see Josh. Concern pops up on his face. “Are you okay? Hey, are you crying, what’s wrong?”

“You didn’t even correct anyone? You just let people think we had sex in the hot tub that night when you know that’s not true!”

“Donna…”

“Whatever, Josh. I bet you’re really happy the video leaked.” Donna starts walking away from him.

“Hey, everyone! Listen up!”

Donna turns back around to see that CJ had handed Josh the picture. He was now standing in the middle of the hallway, angrily gripping the photo.

“Not that it’s anyone’s business, but _nothing_ happened in the hot tub that night. If I hear one person talking about the video or Donna, I’m going to kick all of your asses.”

Josh turns to her and makes eye contact. Donna can’t face him right now, so she turns away. A few seconds later, as she starts walking again, Josh pulls on her arm.

“Hey, I’m really sorry all of this is happening. I don’t know who posted that video.”

Donna scoffs. “Are you kidding me? I do.”

Josh looks confused for a second, before he comes to the realization. His face then shifts in a steely demeanor. “I’ll talk to her.”

“No. I’ll say something.”

Donna eventually finds Amy in the girl’s bathroom.

“Why did you post that video?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Although, I will admit that I’m glad it leaked. Now, everyone will see that Donna Moss isn’t as innocent as you pretend to be.”

“I just don’t understand why you hate me so much.”

“Because you kissed the boy I liked!”

“Amy, you guys were broken up!”

 “No, I’m not talking about now. I’m talking about in 7th grade! You knew I liked him, and you still kissed him!”

“It was spin the bottle, you psycho!”

“It wasn’t just a game to me!” Amy marches out of the bathroom, leaving Donna to realize she was never as invisible as she thought.

 

* * *

 

“So, Martina left?”

“Yeah, she went back to Scotland on Monday.”

Jack nods in response.

“Listen, thanks for coming over. I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“Yeah of course.”

“See, it’s like driving, you know. I can envision it in my head, and everything’s going great. But the minute I sit behind the wheel, I just freeze up, and I can’t do it.”

Laughing, Jack says, “I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry, that was a bad analogy. Let me just start from the beginning.” Donna releases a shaky breath. “You were the first boy I ever really liked. And I thought that what I felt for you was real. But it wasn’t until I started dating Josh that I realized that what I felt for you wasn’t. I had built my feelings up for you to be something bigger than I originally thought, and eventually, I just missed my best friend.”

“Why didn’t you just say so? I feel like I would’ve understood.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Donna. I’m just glad we can talk, again.”

Donna smiles. “Me too.”

“So, what are you going to do about Josh?”

“I know you don’t want to talk about him…”

“Listen, I may not always like the guy, but I liked how he stood up for you today.”

“Yeah… I don’t know what I’m going to do about Josh. I know we were just pretending to date, but it was real.”

“Well, if you miss him, you should just tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because if it wasn’t real, I won’t lose anyone. But if I tell him how I feel, and he doesn’t feel the same way…” Donna looks down, feeling her stomach constrict with nerves.

“Donna, you have to tell people how you feel. Because if you don’t, you might regret it. You hid behind these love letters for so long; now, you need to face your feelings.”

“I guess I would just like it if someone wrote me a love letter. To see someone’s feelings expressed clearly on pages.”

“Donna.” Jack and Donna turn to see Franny standing there holding her box that originally held all of her love letters. “Don’t hate me, but I have something for you. I started saving these because you just left them around. I thought you’d like to have them one day.”

Donna takes the box from Franny and opens the lid to see the box filled with notes from Josh.

Donna reaches in and pulls some out.

_You did such a good job today giving your presentation in McGarry’s class. Made me proud to have a smarty pants fake girlfriend._

_Heard someone talking about John Hughes during math today. Reminded me of you._

_I love how you know so many facts about American history. It’s cute._

_You looked beautiful today._

Donna looks back up at Franny and Jack.

Jack smiles at her. “Think no one’s written you a love letter before?”

 

* * *

 

Donna parks the car haphazardly in the school’s parking lot.

Feeling inspired by Josh’s notes and from the encouragements from her sister and Jack, she’s going to tell Josh how she feels.

She’s marching across the lacrosse field, ignoring the boys who are coming off the field. She can see Josh fixing the goal. When she’s about twenty yards away, he turns around. She stops in her tracks. Maybe she can’t do this.

“Hey.”

“Hi. I came here to tell you something.”

Josh starts walking towards her. He crosses the distance and comes to a stop about a foot away from her.

“Okay, what did you want to tell me?”

Yeah, she can’t do this. “I drove here.”

Josh looks a little bit confused, while also a little bit impressed, since he knows how much she hates driving. “Wow, congrats.”

“Okay, well, that’s all.”

Donna goes to turn, when Josh says, “whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s that in your hand?”

Oh, right. Her letter. Before driving to Albemarle, she had written a love letter to Josh. She thought maybe writing down her feelings before she came here would motivate her to speak the words once she saw him.

“Nothing! It’s noth – ” Josh reaches down and tries to grab the letter from her. Donna tries to fend him off, but ultimately, he overpowers her.

Josh smiles once he wins, but when he opens the letter, his face becomes more serious. He swallows and hands the letter back to her.

“If you want me to read that, you have to give it to me willingly.”

Steeling herself, she says, “can you turn around? Please?”

Josh turns around.

Donna opens her letter and takes a deep breath. “Josh, I need you to know…” She pauses. She thinks back to what Jack said. She has to tell him how she feels, and she wants to see his face when she does it, even if she’s disappointed by his reaction.

She taps him on the shoulder, and he turns back around, looking at her expectedly.

“Josh Lyman, I need you to know that I like you. And not in a fake way. In a very real way. And so, I guess that’s what I came here to say.”

Josh gives her a tiny smile. “Can I talk now?” She nods.

“The reason why I went to Amy’s room that night was to tell her it’s really over. That we aren’t getting back together. You’re the only one I want to date Donna. Because…” Josh gulps, “because I’m in love with you.”

Donna’s face breaks out into a giant grin. “You’re what?”

Josh gives her his biggest smile, his dimples at the forefront.

He leans down to try and kiss her, but she stops him before he can.

“What?”

“Does this mean you’re my real boyfriend now?”

Josh gives her another smile. “Yeah, it does, Donna. You gonna break my heart?”

Donna gives a tiny shake of her head, as she leans in to kiss her boyfriend. It’s warm, it’s soft, and it’s so very real.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all liked it! as always, comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


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